So, I haven't done well with my writing.  Actually, I just haven't done any writing.  There was a minor health set-back at the end of January and I'm just now back on my toes.  Jeff also had a bit of a health issue and we spent a couple of months taking care of that.  He got new job, but when he had to go back to UAB to see the doctors for said ailments after just three days at the new place, they had to give him the boot too.  I had a brief moment at a kid's birthday party when Jeff called on the way home from the hospital telling me that he had just hung up with the new place.  They knew he would have doctors' visits every few month, but they had know idea how soon this would happen.  They needed someone more reliable which seems to be a continuing theme in his job history.  So, I had a brief moment at this birthday party where I had to run to a corner and spew tears.  I traded my angry disposition I had at the first job-loss of 2009 for a softer, sadder look.  Actually, it was probably more pathetic than sad.  And it was more jolting than soft.  It sucked because the mom of the kid .  .which it was also her other child's first communion party. . . the mom of the kids  . . . happened to walk by this corner.  It was one of those moments where the more you fight it, the harder it comes.  My man had been out of town for days in the hospital and they were doing spinal taps and all sorts of stuff on him and we had no idea what was going on.  And I was trying to be good mom and continue about my day at the birthday party and give her a big ol' arm swing and, "great party!"  But with the stupid news of him losing another job, I just couldn't help it.  I was so sad.  I was sad for him.  I was sad and standing in this corner and it all came out.  I know I must have looked a wreck, but I was thinking that maybe no one else could really see what Oprah calls the ugly cry as long as I stood in the corner and pretended to look outside for a minute.  But she did.  Sweet lady.  She's a gentle person.  She placed both hands on my shoulders without asking what had happened and said, "You've earned your right to cry.   You're too young to have dealt with the stuff you have.  You've been given more than most people get in their entire lives.  Just cry."  Of course, it was unstoppable at that point.  Here I was, at her party for her two kids celebrating their days and having her take care of me.  I felt so stupid.  I also felt relieved quickly.  It was finally giving in.  And that's refreshing.  Anyone that's ever had extra stuff to carry around will tell you that it always happens at the wrong place.  And it's always something small that sends you over the edge.  I had already been strong through all that mattered and now it was this tiny thing, a job, that was getting me all bent out of shape.   And for those of you who know me, a job isn't where I place value.  Of course, we like to eat, but considering everything else, this was nothing.  You know, you handle all the big stuff and then lose it when your pencil breaks or you realize that you're out of dog food.  That's what happened.  I'm fine now.  Jeff still has no job, but we'll continue to be fine.  We are somehow lucky like that.  But considering that day, I just want everyone to give into their sadness or anger or fears or happiness or loneliness or whatever.  A friend once told me, they are just feelings.  It doesn't matter.  They're just there.  Who cares?  Stop beating yourself up for them.  Give in to them!  Cry at a birthday party if you have to.  Cry for five minutes, get it out of your system and then move on to joy or whatever else sneaks up on you!  You'll somehow sit in more happiness if you do this.  

Peace and Love, Crystal